10 weeks and waiting

Today was a good day but I will confess that my nerves are shot. I had a dr appointment at 1:15. I woke up this morning with anxiety..maybe its because I watched the reality show Guiliana and Bill and they were doing their shots and IVF procedures and I so could identify with them both. I just was so scared. Today was a big appointment. We are going to leave Saturday for my parents, we are going to send a Christmas gifts to my husbands parents who live on the west coast announcing the baby but only if the doctor appointment was good. There was a lot riding on today's appointment and I will say the nerves got the best of me.

I arrived early and there were 3 women ahead of me. When the nurse arrived, it was the same young nurse I had 8 months ago. She said looking at my chart "wow you have been through a lot since I last saw you." My heart dropped. Then she did all the bloodwork, blood pressure, weight while chatting away that this is going to be a good appointment for me and that she is positive thinking but it was not helping. Then she ushered me into an exam room and left me to wait for the doctor.

I did not know that my doctor was delayed at surgery next door. So I was alone for 45 minutes on the exam table. I had a lot of time to think and panic but I prayed..and prayed and prayed. I re-read posts from some of the wonderful ladies who have supported me and I be lived. I heard at mass this weekend the priest say "Trust in God's divine Providence." I kept saying it over and over as the time dragged on. After 45 minutes, the doctor arrived and I instinctively held my breath.

As long as it took to get him in the room, the exam was over before I knew it. Maybe it was because as he did the ultrasound, I close my eyes. I did not want to look at the screen until he told me to look. When I did he had froze the screen and snapped the latest photo of our 10 week old baby. I said did you see the heartbeat? and he and the nurse both laughed they said "Did you see all the movement and the heartbeat? The baby is bouncing along and measured right on track. At that moment, I breathed a large sigh of relief. I do not return to him until January 13, 2010 when I will be 14 weeks. I do have to have the Nuchlar Transluccency Scan (NTS) on January 3, 2010 due to my age which he described as a super duper ultrasound but I was surprised he did not want to see me again until my second trimester but I guess as long as he is happy with my progress so am I.

So off to tell the family next week. I will need their prayers and support as we have never made it this far with any pregnancy before and I know that my husband will be relieved to finally have someone else than me to talk to about this baby. Tomorrow is my last day of work until 2011 and I am so excited. I feel like I can breathe again and for even a short time all is ok in the world. In God there is no failure and I know he is here with us even at the time of year where we focus on him more than any other.

I am off to start packing for Christmas trip home. Smiling, tired but happy...we are on our way!!!I continue to pray for all of the wonderful strong women who share this journey to motherhood with me. I am walking this walk with you...I am praying for us all and I know we can do this together!!!!