Time Flies When You are having Fun

I found this blog by accident tonight. I re-read every post that I wrote 9 years ago. 9 years ago. So much has happened. My little firecracker has come, grown and is currently 9 years old and in 4th grade. Just like the 2 angels I have in heaven, we have 2 rainbow babies. Firecracker's baby brother was born when she was 18 months old in January 2013. Like her brother this snowflake is currently 7 years old and starting 2nd grade. It was scary after I had our son. It was 2 babies in 18 months and when my snowflake was just 10 days old, I had a major bleed. probably from the fibroid in my uterus wall they kept me from carrying those first two babies but I was rushed to the hospita, lost a lot of blood and ultimately to save my life Dr. T had to perform a partial hysterectomy at 41 years old. So this is the end of my pregnancy stories. No more shots, dr visits, ultrasounds, pregancy and delivery. Somehow lookign back at it I realize I was at peace with God's plan. We may have gone through ups and downs for 4 years but we will always have our 2 rainbow babies to go with out 2 angels in heaven. When i read those posts, I felt those emotions like it was yesterday. I remember feeling out of control and helpless. I remember being alone, and not wanting to get up and start another day. I am so glad that I did. I am so glad that we pushed on and that we kept fighting. I also am so glad that I did this blog. I did not forget any of you or your stories. I keep them all with me in my heart and someday I will share them with our firecracker and snowflake when they are old enough to understand how much we did to bring them into this world. There are still nights of exhaustion. There are still days that I feel like a failure. Who knew that I would bring into this world 2 beautiful children and 9 years later have a terrible global pandemic change everything we had dreamed and planned for these kids. For the last 6 months, we have washed our hands till they were raw, homeschooled for 3 months and tried to work from home and run my lawfirm while keeping these two children safe. What world are we saving our children for? Will this pandemic ever end? Can they have a normal life? They spend their days in masks, use hand sanitizer and social distance for 6 feet. These things are things that seem so foreign 9 years ago when I made the last entry. These are the daily lives of our fireecracker and snowflake. What they will remember when they look back at 2020. Will they remember the scary and the isolation from their friends and school. Or will they remember shopping for their first RV and camping trips in Stone Mountain and Myrtle BEach instead of summer camps. It was a different year, but I think it may have been a year we needed. We were rushing too fast, too far and we had been trying to keep it all together. For 6 months it has just been the 4 of us and the dogs and we got our family back on track. I dont know how the pandemic ends. I only know that like our infertility journey we take it one day at a time and hold our breath when we feel out of control. Hope for the best but expect the worst. We have been home 164 days until the kids had their first day of school. I didnt think we would have made that but we did. We are a family of fighters and we will continue. Stay strong my sisters, you are beautiful wonderful women and you will get your rainbow baby. I know it. The firecracker and the snowflake are proof dreams do come true. Believe in yourself and the power of faith and prayer. I know I do and in these times it is what keeps me asking what more I can do to save this world and make it a place firecracker and snowflake can grow and learn and mature. Praying for us all. Love to us all. Keep the dream alive.