Saturday, July 23, 2011

Our Firecracker is here!!

Our daughter Mackenzie( better known as our firecracker) arrived on July 13, 2011 at 5:11pm via c-section at 8 lbs 10 oz and 20 inches. I also got my wish from the last post, she is the spitting image of her father in her personality, demeanor, way she sleeps, right down to her baby blues ( i know they will probably change ) but I love looking into her little face that there she is no doubt Daddy's little girl.

The c section went well for a major surgery. I had a great hospital with great staff and I enjoyed my 3 day stay more than I think since my home was over run with parents and in laws. The calming of the room, having baby Mackenzie sleep next to me all during the stay made for some great mommy/daughter bonding in the early days of her life. It also allowed me to recover. The c section only hard thing to recover is the incision..the staples have been leaking,an early return to my doctor but otherwise I feel really well.

We came home on Saturday to pink balloons and a story in the yard announcing our arrival and a wonderful home cooked meal with family. It was nice to see all those who have loved and supported us through this journey be able to hold and hug our baby. At the same time it has been quite overwhelming. All I wanted is a little piece of quiet and a place to heal and try and breastfeed our daughter. There has been very little of the above and I have taken to counting down to when everyone goes home ( 3 days left) but I have enjoyed the help with the food and laundry.

When you breastfeed, you and baby are inseperable which has not given me a lot of time to get anything else done or to heal. With the draining incision, I have had to lay more than I would like but it is improving each day. I am trying to catch up on my library books, and reading newspaper but I also catnap when Mackenzie naps.

Mackenzie does not like a sponge bath, or her little hand mittens for her nails. She does like her dog siblings,breastfeeding ( thank god),her swing, and her bobby pillow. It is amazing as she is 10 days old today and I do not know what our home was like without her.

I thank god for her, I thank my friends and family for their prayers and their support. I am grateful that she is here and thriving. I am praying for all those who share my journey. ( a great article in today's Wall Street Journal called "My Fertility Crisis" made me cry)...I pray for my 2 angels who are watching down over their sister who they helped guide to this end. Thank you my darlings, Mommy loves all her children and today that is just enough.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Today is the day

I love shipwrecks and there is a great story about the Atocha ship off Florida Keys. It was sunk in the 1600s filled with Spanish gold and silver. Mel Fisher serachedf or over 10 years to find this vessel and every morning he would not get discouraged with his failures, his losses, he would simply say "Today's the Day" and one day it was and he found the vessel and has and continues to recover billion of dollars.

So Today's the Day! We are off to the hospital for a c section today at 1:30. Baby girl has never dropped, never engaged and no movement in dillation or cervix. Last ultrasound last week had the estimate at 9lbs and the dr believes the reason at 40 weeks we have no movement is that the little firecracker has nowhere to go. So off to hospital we go.

I am fine with the c section. This child was created with the help of science, 4 surgeries and I am fine with her delivery being with the help of science and a surgery.

I went yesterday for the pre registration at the hospital and they were very busy and disorganzied. I did not like that feeling as it did not reassure me that everything would be smooth but eventually they were able to get the doctor's paperwork and go through the checklist.

So now, I have the bad packed, and my family are all eating breakfast in the other room as I cannot eat or drink anything until surgery. I still have heartburn and I took the last one I said good bye to Tums and hope that I get some relief from the heartburn.

I will update later but it is near the end of a long journey...22 months, 2 miscarriages, 4 surgeries and many tears, shots, prayers. It is near the end to see our firecracker. Thank you for the prayers, thanks for the good thoughts. Let's hope firecracker is calm and cool like her father this morning as he is my rock and we would not be here without him.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Last Weekend Alone.

This is hubby and I's last weekend alone of just us and the dogs. I am going to cherish it. 4th of July has always been my favorite holiday and I love being home for it. Normally we go to Pennsylvania to visit my parents which is also nice since it is so much cooler there than here and I can really say I will miss it this year.

Instead it will be just us for the long weekend waiting for our little firecracker's arrival. I went to the dr today and he said strong heartbeat, baby in right position but not dropped or engaged and we have a big zero on cervix. So we wait as it is in God's hands. We have ultrasound on Tuesday and then Dr appointment on Wednesday so by then we will have more answers. If baby girl is smaller, plan is to wait for her arrival. If baby girl is big we can talk inducement, and if she is really big we are talking c-section. None of this can we control and we will just wait until next week to see what God has in store for us. I am big bumped at 37 lbs but I feel great just really round right now...which is good.

Why is this our last weekend alone? Because on Tuesday my inlaws come for 3 weeks and then on Thursday my parents come for the month. Everyone wants to be here for the arrival of their first grandchild. I have always said I want her to come in June but I think this child knows I am still working (mom has a few more things to do) and how much she means to everyone that she is waiting for their arrival before she makes her debut. It is just very stressful with both our families staying under our roof together. We have to worry about their rooms, towels, food and meals. We have had to make a list of instructions of how to...how to turn on tv, how to use stove, how to lock up house, how to feed the dogs. It has been a crazy last two weeks but I think by July 5 we will be ready.

So here is to our last long weekend of just us...just love, just time, no schedules, no deadlines...

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day and 36 weeks 4 days.

I want to say Happy Father's Day to my husband. Today I let him sleep in and I took the two dogs out for their morning walk. This is a lot to do for me since we live in Florida where the temperatures are now in the 100s. I hide from the sun my enemy at all times. No man could have done more for me these past 2 years from the tears, the fears the money worries and these last 9 months of hormones he has stood by me and loved me and reassured me that no matter what it is gonna be alright. I love you dear and having you with me has made this process so much more enjoyable.

I am officially 36 weeks and 4 days. I am dying in the heat here in Florida. I am still working so I get up each morning and put on the lightest layers of clothes i can find since I am pretty sure I cannot go to work naked although it would be very helpful to me and baby girl. I come home and take naps. I am having a hard time now getting settled into bed but once I do I am out like a light. My hubby says there is no way I can add any more pillows to the bed but I think that is more than possible. Especially to help prevent the dreaded charlie horses which seem to be coming more and more often now.

Dr t said baby firecracker is in position but has not engaged yet. He also said she will not be a premie and he is concered she maybe too large come her due date so we have a ultrasound on July 5 to check for size. I am not upset about this and this child was created by the help of science she can be delivered with the help of science. If it is a scheduled c section then it is in god's hands. I have gained 33 lbs in this process and I feel like a reverse turtle..everything up front. We will see what Dr T. says on Thursday's appointment. My hubby's family arrives July 5, mine arrives July 7 so in away it all may be headed to an inevitable delivery.

Baby is still high to me but she has definately moved down off my stomach because the indigestion is less and the bathroom breaks are more frequent. I know she is getting crowded because her kicks are stronger and less movement. I started writting things down that I want to be sure to tell her:
1) how I cried before and after every dr appointment;
2) how I held my breath at every ultrasound and did not immediately look at the screen;
3) how I talked to her even when I knew she could not hear me;
4) how I prayed every day for her;
5) how we want her so very much and cannot wait to meet her.

I know there is more but it was a start. I am still uncovering all the shower gifts, cards and trying to get the nursery ready in case she arrives early. It is hard to hide all the pink things when our families do not know our little firecracker is a girl!!!

Love and prayers to all...the journey is never over and I am here in teh next phase...but I am always with you.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Happy Graduation!!!

Last night , my husband and I graduated. Not from college, but from our Lamaze course. For the last 4 weeks for 3 hrs a night, we spent time with 6 other couples and our instructor to learn all about breathing, relaxation, and labor. I really think my husband enjoyed being part of it. It is hard I think for him to feel as connected as I am since I am the one with all the physical symptoms. He is ready to go on breathing and is already excited about packing the hospital bag.

I did do one thing that I am proud of in that class. On the first night, everyone went around the room and the teacher asked some icebreaker questions and one was "what is the worst part of pregnancy?" When it came to me I said "nothing" and with tears in my eyes I explained briefly how much we went through to get here and our two losses and how every day is wonderful. One of the girls in the room caught her breath when I said 2 losses..as I heard her gasp. I am proud I said it. I am not boasting but I wanted to remember the past, remember the struggle and remind others that this is not always an easy road as it seems in movies and books. Everyday I cherish this point in the journey, I thank God for getting me through to this point and I continue to ask him to stay with us on this journey to the end of the rainbow.

We have our 32nd week appointment tomorrow. We ordered a crib but otherwise still working on get settled for our little July firecracker to arrive. I have been talking to her for a while and I want her to come end of June so we are in negotiations. If she is anything like me, she has a mind of her own and will come when she is ready and not a minute before. I feel very good...I have gained weight. I sleep hard and still have to remind myself to eat on busy days but this is a good month of together time just me and my husband.

Our dogs know something is coming, they do not know what but they are ready to enlarge "our pack" and for the first time so am I.

Love and support always to everyone and thanks for holding my hand (through a computer) on my journey. I never would be here without you strong, brave women who have shared, supported and cared for me...a woman you have never seen, do not really know, but embraced my dreams and fears just the same.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Easter on the way!!!!

Yes it has been one more month since my last post. Work and family visits have been the culprit. I need to get work under control. I have no idea as to how much time I will take off and or who will cover my cases while I am gone and it serves to be a source of panic. I know I still have time but not much. I am going to consult my other friends and see what they did when the babies were born and when they returned to work for ideas but I need to plan...since I am such a planner.

Baby girl is doing well. She is kicking like crazy and especially at night when I want to sleep. Last doctor appointment we were right on track for 26 weeks and I have gained 18lbs. I don't eat so much at meal times but I need to eat to keep my energy up. I also have low iron (common) so I am on supplements now. Trying to fight the dreaded constipation. Then I had a semi high sugar test so I had to have the 4 hour glucose fast test. If you have ever had it done it is just sugar and no food...I think that baby girl did sugar cartwheels for the rest of the day after the test. We get the results next week and I really hope we do not have gestational diabetes. We have no family history but I am over 35 and Dr. T said we will cross that bridge when we get the test results back. I love him that he keeps me calm when I think I am going to go crazy.

Hubby and I have finished the babies room ( painting) but we have no furniture and I am completely overwhelmed about what to buy,what to register, how much do I need? I think the office and our friends are planning a shower which seems fine considering we have nothing for baby girl but a nice clean room....and we did pick her name which shall be revealed on her birthday. I guess we are ready?

I think I am overwhelemed with what to buy, how to feed the baby, all the family that will be here when she is born, the fear of failure, what to do at work that I just avoid starting the list of things to buy or do. Today I will try and sign us up for our birthing classes which is another step in the right direction but I am afraid I am procrastinating. I need to just trudge on...so wish me luck.

My parents had so much fun when they were here last month that they are returning this week to spend Easter with us. Tomorrow is Palm sunday and let's go church and hope we can cherish the holiday with family and friends. Let's hope I too can find some answers of what needs to be done and get ready for our baby girl's arrival.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers always. I am grateful for this page and for the few who read it and send comments. It has been a support and I have met some wonderful brave and strong women who I am continually amazed by each day.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

March Maddness

Ok I know in my last post I promised to write more but here it is over a month from my last post. Work has been crazy (unlike my February post where it was social activities) keeping us busy.

I had a good 22 week check up with dr on Thursday. It is so funny everyone seems to tell me I am to small to be pregnant, I should be bigger, I should eat this, I should not do that... I never realized how many people have opinions until now? Dr said I am right where I am supposed to be and gaining 12 lbs in first 22 weeks puts me square in the middle of NORMAL. His opinion is all that really matters. I find that I have a lot of energy but the heartburn is still there. I love to swim...the pool is one place nothing hurts and I feel great. In the last 2 weeks I have started to feel baby girl moving... I cannot wait until my husband can feel it. He is so excited to being having a girl.

My parents come for a 4 day visit this weekend and they too are excited to see us. The last time they saw me, I was 10 weeks pregnant so alot has changed in the last few months. We will see if they can keep true to their word that they do not want to know what the baby is before it is born. Keep posted to see if they hold out past this visit.

We have no idea on names for baby girl and have nothing to put in the now painted nursery but I am happy and healthy and for now that is what I need. I continue to pray for all of our BLM in my prayers for me and baby girl. I believe he is truly listening and good will come to all of us soon.