Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year 2011!!!!

Where did Christmas go? The last 14 days seem like a blurr. We did leave for my parents house for xmas. When we arrived we had to tell my parents about our little firecracker. My father wanted to have a drink to toast our safe arrival and we needed a reason why I did not want a drink. My husband had made a gift with a photo of our 10 week ultrasound. On the outside it said "what are you doing July 2011?" We got some great photos as my mom and dad opened the package and suddenly realized its meaning. They were thrilled. On Christmas Day, my husband's sister and brother inlaw also got some great photos of my inlaws opening the same gift. The entire family was thrilled. I cannot tell you how many people my parents have told in the 2 weeks we were there. It truly made me realize how many people were silently praying for us and were estatic with our news. Who knew the base of untapped support we had and how blessed I feel that they are all praying for us now. What an experience it was telling our families. I will always remember it. I also took advantage of it and got some well needed rest. Smells and certain holiday foods made eating difficult but my mother was a life savior and made sure I had enough to eat and rest the entire trip. I love you mom. As I am in my 12th week, the nausousness has lessened but I still have the burping and NO DESIRE to eat certain foods. I have gained only 2 lbs but I am sure that will change as my appetite comes back.

Despite all the joyous news, I still feel nervous as we embrace our 12th week. I guess you always do after the journey we have been on. Monday January 3, 2011 is my NTS scan at the hospital. I will not lie, I am scared, I am anxious and I am nervous. I try and remember that I need to relax and remember to Trust in God's Divine Providence. I will but I am still a little nervous. I just want to hear a good heartbeat and know we have some good development. It is all in God's hands and I pray it will be ok. The Dr office called and said all my pregnancy blood work came back normal ( good news) but I have a urinary tract infection and I am now on antibiotics(bad news). I was having problems completely going and I wake up at night to go and it is only 3 months along. I hope the medicine gives me some relief. I am getting really good at reading at 3 in the morning to help me relax and fall back asleep. I hope there is enough books in the library to get through July!! After Monday's scan, I will have to tell everyone at work so we can start planning for my maternity leave....still cannot grasp that plan yet but that is for another post.

So I wish Happy New Year to all and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as recently there has been some good news on all fronts from these strong women I call friends. It is a new year and I wish all the health,happiness and good luck to everyone. Thank you to each and everyone of you who have given me such kind words. Whether you know it or not they have given me such comfort and they have come sometimes right when I needed some reassurance. I am here for you and I could not get here without you. Happy New Year 2011 and Best of Luck to us all!!!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

10 weeks and waiting

Today was a good day but I will confess that my nerves are shot. I had a dr appointment at 1:15. I woke up this morning with anxiety..maybe its because I watched the reality show Guiliana and Bill and they were doing their shots and IVF procedures and I so could identify with them both. I just was so scared. Today was a big appointment. We are going to leave Saturday for my parents, we are going to send a Christmas gifts to my husbands parents who live on the west coast announcing the baby but only if the doctor appointment was good. There was a lot riding on today's appointment and I will say the nerves got the best of me.

I arrived early and there were 3 women ahead of me. When the nurse arrived, it was the same young nurse I had 8 months ago. She said looking at my chart "wow you have been through a lot since I last saw you." My heart dropped. Then she did all the bloodwork, blood pressure, weight while chatting away that this is going to be a good appointment for me and that she is positive thinking but it was not helping. Then she ushered me into an exam room and left me to wait for the doctor.

I did not know that my doctor was delayed at surgery next door. So I was alone for 45 minutes on the exam table. I had a lot of time to think and panic but I prayed..and prayed and prayed. I re-read posts from some of the wonderful ladies who have supported me and I be lived. I heard at mass this weekend the priest say "Trust in God's divine Providence." I kept saying it over and over as the time dragged on. After 45 minutes, the doctor arrived and I instinctively held my breath.

As long as it took to get him in the room, the exam was over before I knew it. Maybe it was because as he did the ultrasound, I close my eyes. I did not want to look at the screen until he told me to look. When I did he had froze the screen and snapped the latest photo of our 10 week old baby. I said did you see the heartbeat? and he and the nurse both laughed they said "Did you see all the movement and the heartbeat? The baby is bouncing along and measured right on track. At that moment, I breathed a large sigh of relief. I do not return to him until January 13, 2010 when I will be 14 weeks. I do have to have the Nuchlar Transluccency Scan (NTS) on January 3, 2010 due to my age which he described as a super duper ultrasound but I was surprised he did not want to see me again until my second trimester but I guess as long as he is happy with my progress so am I.

So off to tell the family next week. I will need their prayers and support as we have never made it this far with any pregnancy before and I know that my husband will be relieved to finally have someone else than me to talk to about this baby. Tomorrow is my last day of work until 2011 and I am so excited. I feel like I can breathe again and for even a short time all is ok in the world. In God there is no failure and I know he is here with us even at the time of year where we focus on him more than any other.

I am off to start packing for Christmas trip home. Smiling, tired but happy...we are on our way!!!I continue to pray for all of the wonderful strong women who share this journey to motherhood with me. I am walking this walk with you...I am praying for us all and I know we can do this together!!!!

Friday, December 10, 2010

9 weeks and waiting

Since my last post it has been a crazy week. We are planning on leaving next Saturday for my parents house for Christmas so I have 2 weeks at work to get 4 weeks worth of things done. I have been so tired after the day I cannot even think about reading any of my library books, my blogs, or newspapers I go right to bed.

I am still having a tough time with my stomach not throwing up, but just sour. No food is appealing and I eat like a 2 yr old of cereal, applesauce, toast and some fruit when I can. It has gotten better but it is still present. I also have trouble sleeping through night. I wake up each night and for 1-2 hours I watch tv to try and get sleepy to go back to bed. Lucky that husband and dogs are heavy sleepers.

My next appointment is on the 16th and we will have another ultrasound. I am hoping to be a great visit as we are leaving two days later and we plan to tell our families on Christmas about the pregnancy. I hope we get a good photo so we can use it in the unveiling of everyone's first grandchild. I am scared to death to tell anyone. It has been 9 weeks and only hubby and I and the doctors know about our little firecracker. I am hoping after this visit I can breath and tell our families. I will need them to finish this pregnancy and more prayers are always welcome.

I still have anxiety, I still feel like I am waiting for the other show to drop but I tell the devil to leave me and I focus on the power of god. He has gotten me safe this far and I know he will be with me through it all to the end. This is his season and I feel strong when I think of his power and glory to create a son to a woman who had been born without sin and did not know man. I know he can be with us as we bring this child to our families this season.

I hope next week goes by quickly and I am hoping and praying for good dr appointments (something will never change). I am keeping all of you in my prayers for this holiday season. Good things for us all.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Our little July Firecracker

My second favorite holiday is 4th of July. I do not know if it is the heart of summer,fun and food or the patriotism but it is my favorite holiday behind Thanksgiving. After all my doctor appointments this week, it is my favorite month because it is when our first child is due - July 14, 2011.

My appointment with the RE on November 30, 2010 was scary but very positive. I think my husband and I held out breathe as the doctor came in and started the ultrasound. In fact I did not even look at the screen initially because I was afraid what would be there or not be there. Then the RE turned on the sound and I heard the sweetest noise in the world as our baby's heartbeat. I have never heard such a beautiful sound. The RE said all measurements looked great and he said congratulations and officially graduated us from his program. I think we were still in such shock that we could not even process all the information. The doctor's office gave us a nice graduation package and our babies first teddy bear and photo. I wanted to stare at the screen all day so I guess the photo was a good alternative.

After being released from my RE it was back to my OBGYN who I knew because of my history would want to see me sooner than later which was today December 2, 2010. I was the only patient there this morning and Dr. T took his time. He went over all my records from the RE and I can tell he was going slow so not to get too excited. Then was time for the ultrasound and once again I held my breath. I do not know when and if I will ever stop worrying and actually enjoy these exams but they are still so taxing. There was our little July firecracker with its heart beating away and had even grown in just 2 days from last ultrasound. I was so happy and so was Dr. T. He said "this is a good thing" and he acknowledged that I have been waiting so long for some good news and he was glad to be able to give it to me. He gave me all the normal cautions but he was truly happy with my exam and our little firecracker who measured at 8 weeks. He wants to see me again in 2 weeks just before we leave to go home to my family for Christmas when we should be about 10 weeks. I started to breathe after I left his office.

I want to say thank you to everyone who has been praying for us these last few weeks. I can feel your prayers and I rely on your strength. I still worry every day, I still feel like the other shoe is gonna drop, but I am slowly able to embrace the joy of this pregnancy. I miss my two other pregnancies but I have learned so much and like Dr. T said I have waited a long time just to get to this point it feels good to be in the moment and we are happy just to be here. God is truly all powerful and I thank him for this July blessing every second of the day. Thank you all for being here on the walk and to all of us who still have our journeys to go I am believing in you, for me and for all of us.