Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Giving Thanks

For the first time in the 10 years my husband and I have been together we are spending this holiday alone. Although it is my favorite holiday next to 4th of July, I am actually looking forward to it. No traveling hassels, no cleaning for company, no preparing meals, no extended house visitors, no family quarrels.

On the flip side I do miss my parents and my mother's soothing conversations and quality tips in the kitchen. I will be home for Christmas and I will get my fill then. So what are we going to do the long weekend???? Relax, rest, clean out a garage(my hubby's list), clean out a closet(my hubby's list)decorate for xmas ( my list).
Anything to keep us busy and keep my mind off Tuesday Doctor appointment. It is early and I have to go out of town for a big case immediately after so I am looking forward to having something else to think about than the results.

I will be 7 weeks and 3 days and I have never had a good appointment at that phase so I am praying and hoping for the best. I have had a tough week of sour stomach and I think I have drank enough ginger ale my blood type is changing to "Canada Dry." Otherwise I am doing well. I am thankful for my husband and my family. I am thankful for this child which continues to grow and prosper. I am thankful for the strong women who have encouraged me on this trip especially when I really needed it.

I am thankful we have all made it through the tough times and I am hoping our futures are full of bright happy memories. I think I will rest this weekend so no posts until after doctor appointment on November 30. Until then I will keep positive thoughts, and praying and believing...I am thankful I can do that this year!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Off the wagon in a moment of weaknes...

The last 10 days have been a blurr.... I have not had anytime to write down all the feelings that I have now that I can confirm I am pregnant. The 2 blood tests were positive and the levels were properly doubling...(thank you lord). Tomorrow we are officially 6 weeks which makes me scared because in the past we never seem to get past that week.

I know that I am not supposed to compare my past to my future.
I know each pregnancy is different.
I do not want to be overly hopeful but I do not want to deny this child any joy.

Therefore, I keep telling myself "I can be blessed, or I can be stressed and I choose to be blessed." I am thinking about cross stitching it on a sampler since I have been saying it so often these past weeks.

Thankful for all the nice comments and prayers you have all sent.(keep them coming as I am sending them back to you).

We have not told anyone here this time. I don't know why but we will when we are both ready. Our next appointment is on November 30, 2010 for first ultrasound...again never been a good experience in the past and just thinking of it makes me nervous. I have realized in the media recently so many women are coming forward with their miscarriages ( Celion Dion, Mariah Carey, Pink, Guiliana Ranic)...a sorority of amazing women who have walked in our shoes and are so strong and brave to share their struggles and joys in public. I hope to find that courage someday too.

Slowly I tell myself..there is nothing I can do....I have faith.. I believe...I know all things are possible through God and I am thankful for this blessing this month...I just fall off the wagon sometimes and the power or negativity is so strong in moment of weakness is the darkest. But then the sun comes up and I realize we have made it through another day and I say thank you...We are blessed...We will not give up... we will make it... afterall I believe someday we all will.

Monday, November 8, 2010

A Wide Range of Emotions.

I am happy.

I am scared.

I am excited.

I am worried.

I am hopeful.

I am guarded.

I am thankful.

I am fearful.

I am PREGNANT....confirmed by doctor's office this morning.

I cannot put into words to describe much anything else right now. Maybe when the shock wears off or maybe when I return from Wednesday's doctor appointment I will be able to compose my thoughts better. All I can say is I am living in the moment and most thankful to be here.