Thursday, November 18, 2010

Off the wagon in a moment of weaknes...

The last 10 days have been a blurr.... I have not had anytime to write down all the feelings that I have now that I can confirm I am pregnant. The 2 blood tests were positive and the levels were properly doubling...(thank you lord). Tomorrow we are officially 6 weeks which makes me scared because in the past we never seem to get past that week.

I know that I am not supposed to compare my past to my future.
I know each pregnancy is different.
I do not want to be overly hopeful but I do not want to deny this child any joy.

Therefore, I keep telling myself "I can be blessed, or I can be stressed and I choose to be blessed." I am thinking about cross stitching it on a sampler since I have been saying it so often these past weeks.

Thankful for all the nice comments and prayers you have all sent.(keep them coming as I am sending them back to you).

We have not told anyone here this time. I don't know why but we will when we are both ready. Our next appointment is on November 30, 2010 for first ultrasound...again never been a good experience in the past and just thinking of it makes me nervous. I have realized in the media recently so many women are coming forward with their miscarriages ( Celion Dion, Mariah Carey, Pink, Guiliana Ranic)...a sorority of amazing women who have walked in our shoes and are so strong and brave to share their struggles and joys in public. I hope to find that courage someday too.

Slowly I tell myself..there is nothing I can do....I have faith.. I believe...I know all things are possible through God and I am thankful for this blessing this month...I just fall off the wagon sometimes and the power or negativity is so strong in moment of weakness is the darkest. But then the sun comes up and I realize we have made it through another day and I say thank you...We are blessed...We will not give up... we will make it... afterall I believe someday we all will.


  1. Oh my goodness!!! This wonderful news absolutely makes my day :) As someone who celebrates your same age, I know exactly what this means to you...and I also know the fears that are associated. I remember going for our first scan at 7 weeks and hoping (praying) for the best, but bracing for the worst and all was well. And to be honest, I still have daily fears, but I too focus on "being blessed and not stressed".

    Congratulations on this beautiful, growing miracle! I can't wait to follow your journey.

    Praise God!

  2. Beautiful post. I just want to send you lots and lots of love and let you know that i am praying for you and your little bean. Know that i am hear if you ever just want to unload.wishing you the best and a great and wonderful scan on the 30th. HUGS!

  3. Such good news and let me just tell you that my first u/s was early early, 5w3d and it was awful, not that anything was wrong, but my RE rushed through it and I (unlike you) was not prepared for how anxious I would be! It was so stressful, but we had another at exactly 6 weeks and there was a little heart beating away! I'm praying the same goodness for you!! How very exciting as we are 5 days apart! Praying praying praying for continued good news for both of us and reasons to keep smiling and hoping! However, I understand all the anxieties and fears! You can email me if you want to, we can probably be really good support for each other! HUGS!!!