Two weeks later, 4th surgery scheduled

Time goes by so slow when we want it to go by fast. In an effort to help distract me from the wait, I started a new diet with my husband which included in a summary: giving up carbs and sugar for the first week of detox, took appetite's suppressants, stopped appetitte suppressants due to heart palpitations, Lost 4 lbs while trying to keep up with husband who has lost 8.5lbs. It is a diet which you eat protein only for 3 days, then gradually add back in vegetables/fruit and eventually good carbs ( cannot wait for that day).

Went to my RE appointment and had the bad nurse. I need to explain that my RE has two nurses which I call the bad and the good nurses. Very similar to the good/bad witches in the Wizard of Oz only in a fertility clinic. The bad nurse is a young woman who I am sure never reads my chart,has no idea why I am there and treats me like a block of time on her schedule. An example would be at an earlier appointment she said "our goal is for someday you will be pregnant." Hello!! Read my chart, I HAVE been pregnant - twice in fact and getting there is not the issue, keeping my baby is. The good nurse is an older woman who knows my history, who returns phone calls timely and who shows actual interest in my progress.

The bad nurse confirmed via ultrasound that the cyst on my left ovary did not reduce at all after 2 weeks of medication. As much as I tried not to cry, I explained my struggle and that I needed to hear from the doctor on the next step. She actually softened up and promised she would get with him that day and the would call me with the plan. She lied.

My work schedule got crazy and before I knew it 3 days went by and the bad nurse never called. On the 4th day I called and left a message(in a nice unpleasant tone) to please have dr return call about the plan. Thankfully within 2 hrs, the good nurse called (I am sure in her pink dress and magic wand). The good nurse informed me the dr reviewed my records and long story short - the cyst has to come out via surgery. It is set for either August 27 or September 2 due to the dr schedule and hospital availability. The good nurse will call on Monday to confirm date as there maybe some changes in calender but she did not want me to worry all weekend without answers(hence why I call her the "good" nurse).

So 4th surgery in 10 months. No trying in August or September and I feel the clock ticking ticking ticking. It will be one year in September since we first became pregnant and all we have to show for it will be 2 losses, and 4 surgeries - that is the grim reality. On the other hand, I am thankful we have a plan again and we are on track for more progress. I still resent(wrongly)those that are pregnant and have carefree deliveries but I focus on the hope that sometime, someday, we will be pregnant and we will be updating our family and friends of our progress.

I confess: I had a plan to have our first child by now. I had a plan to have begun preparing to conceive our second child by now. I had a plan to do this without a problem, without drs, without 4 surgeries. As I keep telling myself(in a daily mantra): I am not in control of the plan. I cannot control this process and the only one who can is God. I am thankful for my husband and our dogs and I must believe that God has a plan and it will be revealed to us in God's time...no matter what I plan ( smile). Until then, I pray, I love my husband and I work on my diet and I hope. I hope for a solution, I hope for progress, I hope I can do this 4th surgery and conceive a child.